you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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