i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
