SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My dick has a subreddit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
