So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
