My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
