She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
