just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We need a shit load of segways right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
