well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
