well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
