Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
