guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
