You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
