Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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