I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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