I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
