My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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