I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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