i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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