they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
