we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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