I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
