I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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