Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
