I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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