You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
