Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
