she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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