and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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