Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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