Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
