She said her name was "party"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
