I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
