if you like me you must not know who I am
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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