good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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