dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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