If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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