worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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