No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize