I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
