Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
