mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
