I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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