Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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