see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
