remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
