Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
