Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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