ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
