woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
