i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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