Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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