I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
