Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
