I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
