fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
