I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
