Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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