life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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